Shredded, bleached, and pressed trees are about to make a comeback. In the face of the paperless office and print media’s oft-proclaimed doom (we do still put out a magazine, subscribe today!), wall posters are about to drag paper back from the brink—and it’s all thanks to this year’s Geneva auto show. If there’s one thing that looks better on a huge roll of paper than it does as wallpaper on your smartphone, it’s an unobtainable dream car like this 950-hp LaFerrari, which is debuting at the Swiss show. Oh, that won’t quite do it? What about two limited-production Italian supercars? Because Lamborghini also rolled out its Aventador-based Veneno, with a price tag of nearly $4 million. In villages across the Italian peninsula, we imagine old women are wailing in the streets, for the Almighty returneth. But hark! The devil followeth in his wake, for the British cheetah falcon, McLaren’s P1, accompanies the horse- and bullmen.

What Did You Call Me?

There’s no avoiding that name. Yes, it’s called the LaFerrari. Not Ferrari LaFerrari, just LaFerrari. It seems that, like Sting and P!nk and Beyoncé, Ferrari has realized one-word names signify true status. “Oh, Sting Anderson, the mortgage broker?” “No, just Sting. You know, the legendary musician.” Notice how “legendary” isn’t even necessary in that sentence? Now imagine that conversation taking place in your garage. (They call them dream cars for a reason.) “Is that a Ferrari 458 Italia?” “No, it’s my LaFerrari, the legendary supercar.” [Understanding nods all around.] And, hey, at least LaFerrari avoids the confusion that would have resulted from Ferrari using the car’s internal code name, F150. Just think of the embarrassment at the Home Depot loading dock.

While nobody would mistake the LaFerrari for a truck, they might mistake it for a different Ford, perhaps 1995’s GT90 concept. The curvaceous, low wedge seems torn straight from the studios of mid-’90s concept-car designers, as they scribble what they think prominent Ferrari collectors of the 20teens will be driving. Within its many lines are important active aerodynamic elements, though, including active diffusers front and rear, guide vanes on the underbody, and an active rear spoiler all aimed at providing downforce when needed without any additional drag when not. (Note the homage up front to F1 cars’ front wings.) The LaFerrari is a needle-nosed amalgam of bulges and vents and aerodynamic filigree, topped by a menacing squint of greenhouse coddling two of the happiest people on the planet.

Money Buys Horsepower Equals Happiness

We assume that those people must be happy because horsepower is happiness, and the driver has 950 at his command. The 6.3-liter V-12 makes 789 at 9000 rpm—and revs another 250 rpm beyond that—as well as 516 pound-feet at 6750. And we were impressed by the 730 hp this engine makes in the F12 Berlinetta. A lighter crankshaft, variable-length intake runners, and equal-length six-into-one headers hydroformed from Inconel help make the extra 59 hp. An electric motor hanging off the back of the seven-speed automated-manual transaxle contributes another 161 hp, and Ferrari only will say that the combo makes more than 660 lb-ft of torque. With an expected curb weight barely more than 2800 pounds—that’s about half a ton lighter than the mind-blowingly fabulousF12berlinetta—the LaFerrari is expected to accelerate to 62 mph in less than three seconds, to 124 mph in less than seven, to 186 in about 15, and top out above 217. ...